"An oblivious death of a grotesque nightmare... blood dripping from it's decapitated abysmal body... the silhouette of the moon... overwhelmed completely by darkness... deceased bodies everywhere... while a sharp knife... thrusted at my head... covering my face with blood... as my head departs from my body... death is grinning... right beside me... isn't it a lovely sight?..." that's me... so don't you dare give a crap... im warning you! i have a dead salmon in my hand... and im not afraid to use it!

This week's "Last Song Syndrome" is...

Artist: Deftones
Song: Back to School

The feeling that engulfs my sanity is...

Sleeping soundly in the dark

Jakyu
& Deft_sheep

Image © Nocturne
Layout ©


Entries for March, 2005

March 3, 2005
Sentimental moments for 3 whole days... º part 1 º
Posted at 03:49 AM

Waaah... I just came from my retreat and whooooh, was it nice. Sure there were a few GLITCHES but besides that, everything turned out great. Let me start at home... * ahem * sa retreat nalang mismo..

My dad and i ate first before i could go inside the conference hall. Everyone was surprised cause i arrived very VERY early! ( The retreat started at 8 : 30, i came at 1 in the afternoon... pasaway... ) So there. Argh... geez i can't remember much anymore. Basta there were open forums and some tear jerking moments... so early nga eh... hahaha! We ate some snacks, there were lots of snacks by the way. While waiting for the next activity Mitch, Nikho and I went to the pool to witness the sunset. Grabe, ang ganda talaga ng sunset, and the water lilies really gave that "sentimental touch"! I really wish i had a picture... It was really soothing to the soul... Plus, Luigi was there playing Urbandub's "New Tattoo" in his guitar, song trip nanaman kami... haha! I was really relaxed and at peace with myself at that time... it felt sooo good... Except for those stupid mosquitos!Our next activity was the positive negative thingy. At my paper they wrote that i was always laughing, that i’m friendly ( Well.. hahah :D ) fun to be with, funny, SWEET and thoughtful ( I bet Ivan wrote that! hehe.. ) I never realized na yun pala ang nakikita nila sakin... Ü But on top of all that, there were 2 people who surprised me with what they wrote. One is Lucky of course ( Uyyy chiri... tss... hahaha.... ) cause he wrote there that i am trustworthy, kind, a weirdo and a total pasaway ( Well what can i say? pasaway talaga ako! heheh.. Ü ). The other was Allan, wherein he wrote that i am astig, kind ( Oh really now? haha.. ) and makulit. Actually nasulatan niya yung mga yun sa paper niya, hindi sa paper ko (Tsk tsk.. antok na... ). After that we had dinner, but it turned out to ba an activity as well. We were blind folded and arranged at random ( Random daw... ). Dapat yung mga katabi mo mag-serserve ng food mo, and you have to serve them too. So therefore you can't serve yourself some food. i was the 4th to be seated somewhere. I really hoped that i could sit beside * ahem * But sadly i peeked through my blind fold and saw him a few chairs away... awww... too bad. So anyway, Niko was so irritating cause he kept on whispering my name, nalaman tuloy ng iba na ako yung nandon. Plus, he kept on tapping and pulling the sleeves of my jacket. Nagulpi ko pa nga si Ms. Lolit dahil sa kanya! Hahaha... Arghh... I kept on wondering who's beside and in front of me. After the prayer i slowly took off my blind fold and…

Tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……….

It was Lucky, whoopee… plus, Jake was in front of me. ( Great, what more could I ask for? ) So there, people started serving each other some food, as always laugh trip nanaman, nandun kasi si Frank sa table. I was just waiting for someone who needs to be served ( Which turns out to be my student Ryan. ), while looking elsewhere for my kada. i thought that no one would serve me cause everyone was just serving each other. i really wished that * ahem * would serve me, but sadly he’s far far away… Then suddenly Lucky asked me if I want some fish…

Fish? Fish?? Are you serving me some Fish?

i was really surprised… i thought he was serving Jake, kasi naguusap silang dalawa. Pero medyo pasaway din tong si Lucky, ang dami niyang nilagay! But it was nice, no more no less… hihihi… Ü i fed Mitch a crumpled tissue paper in a spoon, she ate it, she spitted it out, it was funny. Gio ate as if he’s sentenced to death the day after. Hahahaha! Sobrang dami niyang nakain, as in! After that i saw * ahem * looking at me. I don’t know if its by accident or by fate that we always glance at each other and then quickly turn away. Geez… he’s so confusing, well what do i expect? He’s a guy… tss Our last activity was the “ What did you learn and open up something thingy ”. Wherein we say what we felt at the past activity, and then say anything we want, apologize to people, say thanks to our friends and expose our affection to our significant others ( Just like what Ryan did ). And speaking of Ryan, I was really astonished at his commitment and bravery. I wish most men are like that. But the down fall of it was it was too fast.

You can’t rush love… love is patient…

One thing that i learned was to express ourselves emotionally to people, to let it all out. Its just like vomiting, you have to spit it out or else it will upset your stomach and make things worse. Our stomach is very sensitive to acid ( vomit ) thus it wants the vomit out of your body. But it can’t, it needs the mind and the body’s help. If you don’t let out the things that you really want to say, it will ruin your personality, thoughts and sanity as well.

NO ONE can handle his own problems….

When it was my turn i shared to them what i felt about that activity. It was really heart-warming when we serve people. That’s what i felt when I served Ryan. It hurts when you’re not served because it shows that nobody cares about you. I was really surprised when Lucky served me, but still there’s this thought that he was just forced to. I also said thanks to our batch, told them that i love them so much! That if it weren’t for them I wouldn’t be here right now and stuff. I also said thanks to my ever loving kada and of course, to… you know. I was supposed to say thanks to * ahem * but, he was so damn snobbish! Argh… So anyway huchi kept on texting me quotes, i feel a bit guilty cause i didn’t text back any quote at all. So sorry… After the “session” Lucky came rushing to me and said thanks and good night blankly. Geez.. after pouring my guts out in front of our batch all he can say is a plain ol’ thank you!? Tss… that’s the last time that i’ll do some crappy thing like that for him! Geez… I talked to my son Akira and cried out my problem. He’s not into giving advices but at least he showed that he cared…

Isn’t he just the sweetest and ugliest son? Hehehe… Ü

I just wish his dad is like that too... hahaha! Kit and Allan passed by, then surprisingly Kit asked me if i was okay ( Cause i was crying at that time ). May care? Awww... Ü Just as i was about to go back to my room Lucky rushed to me again and asked what’s the problem. Once again our never ending argumentation began! As always… He said something that smothered my heart, but it was okay… i guess… I never knew that after such a long time he still… well you get the picture... Still we fought but it all came down to a sweet tight sentimental hug….

Awwwwwww….. Ü

And the ambiance totally matched our little "scene", you know... a beautiful full moon, strong cold breeze... leaves falling from the trees... its nice... Ü By the way, i slept at 3 in the morning cause of all those palanca letters! Grabe! Kakapagod...


New Radical's You get what you give


This is a favorite post.March 4, 2005
"My Mistake?!"
Posted at 08:04 AM

Grabe sobrang hindi ko ma-explain ang nanyayari! Hahaha…

So anyway, I went to school late again, as always. Nothing much happened since all of them were doing their own business and stuff. After school I went with Ivan and Joey to their OJT. Ivan was kinda depressed so I thought a scoop of bubblegum ice cream at “ Favoritos ” would soothe him. We ate there and talked about his problem, regarding… well... basta… heheheh… The ice cream there was uber delicious and totally DIVINE! Especially their famous “ Ice cream cakes ” Mmmm…. Ice cream cakes…. * Drools * After eating, we went back to school, to pass their OJT reports. Redge gave me a palanca letter, but the minute I saw it I knew it wasn’t from him. “Ano nanamang kalokohan toh?!” I asked. He said it was from Tonichi… Hmmm…. Ü That’s nice… even if I’m not into pink ribbons. Punta kami kayla Gio pagkatapos to celebrate. It was so damn hot! Gosh! Heheheh… when we arrived, they were watching “ Harold and Kumar ”, saying hindi ko naabutan si “ Freak show ”. Hahahahahah…

My Mistake?!

Heheheh… So there we ate pancit, lumpia, nachos, chichacorn, and of course everyone’s favorite… * wink wink * Hahahhaha! Ü We watched “White Chicks” and “Grind” right after, movie marathon sila while the rest of us are having our own marathon! Gio even bought one of my faves just for me… Aww… thanks Gio! :D So there, picture picture with almost everybody, laugh trip, and stuff. Nagpasama ako kay Catherine to buy some chips tapos pag alis namin bumalik pa siya. Kasi humingi pa siya ng “you-know-what” kay Allan. When she came back she told me na ayaw siyang bigyan kasi baka ibigay lang daw niya sakin ( Huh? Bakit sakin?! ). As in paulit-ulit daw niya sinasabi na wag ibigay sakin. Aba, may care… Hahaha…Ü Bonding kami ni Catherine at that time, talking about crushes and all that. Heheheh… It was already 6 pm, nagyaya nang umuwi sila Mai. But Akira was well.. wasted so they couldn’t leave. As his “ mother ” it was my responsibility to take care of him… and so I did. It was my first time to see him acting like a little baby boy with a boo boo. Hahaha… Ü Kasi kasi kasi… tsk tsk tsk… an advice for those who drink. “When you’re head says stop… STOP.

"Don’t drink if you can’t control yourself when wasted therefore you better know your limits.”

Anyway, after an hour of patting in the shoulder and saying “ Gising na ” my son was back to normal. But he’s not the only one who’s wasted. Gio’s dad ( Fafa Gilbert ) came, pero umalis din agad kasi hinatid si Roy, together with Gio and Ivan. Redge and I just watched “ Girl next door ” while Lucky, Winoy and Allan were just boozing themselves. When Gio and Ivan came back, we all “ crumpled ” outside, bonding nga eh. Sumasayaw kami nila Gio and Redge. Hahaha… His dad was sooo kulet, kasi he was really surprised that I was the “Last man standing” ( Woman actually ) and indeed I am the last one standing. Pano ba naman lahat ng delicacies na in-offer ni Giorge kinain ko, as in lahat, which made my tummy really full! Haha… Lucky and Winoy left early because they were going to go to Anjo’s house for their project. Nagulat nga ako eh, Lucky said goodbye with his sweet pasaway smile, just like the old days…. . And so natira ang mga matitibay… Allan, Ivan, Gio and yours truly… Hahaha! Ü Total sound trip kami, Thursday and Urbandub… Heheheh… stig nga eh! We were all singing and banging our heads and yelling our guts out! Heheheh… We consumed all the food and drinks that were left while singing “Standing in the edge of summer” ( Our fave! Ü ). Gio’s dad was telling stories about him and Gio, it was really funny. After all that jazz, tambay kami sa couch nila. Kulitan trip nanaman, yung iba kumain, yung iba bagsak... I almost fell asleep but thankfully they woke me up. We left at 10, tapos hinatid ako ni Allan. Funny though, I can’t quite remember how we went to Antipolo; if we took an fx or jeep, and where Ivan was at that time. Haha… As always, I knew what I was expecting at home.. sermon nanaman… tss… retreat na naming tomorrow, but there’s this thought in my head that I’m not going… :(

Oh, and by the way… 3 points nanaman from Mr. Brightside! :D Wahahahah… I’m so happy! I can’t believe it! GRABE!!!! Ü , I thought it was over but then I was there and he was there and he asked if I’m okay and I said yes and I asked this and he said yes and then this and then that and then...

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ü

Kaso may biglang umepaltss… But it was okay… repetitive kasi ang momentum ng ka-chirihan ko! Ü I really wish na kasama ko siya nun… even if he’s so far.. far from reality or course…


Urbandub's New tattoo


This is a favorite post.March 6, 2005
Sentimental moments º part 2 º
Posted at 09:56 AM

It was 7 in the morning... I was the last one who went off our room ( tamad kasi eh ). The first activity was about to end when I arrived, buti nalang walang consequence! So Breakfast, it was soooo good! I really enjoyed the food, sulit to the max! Hahaha... It was uhm... "Tocilog" ( Is that what you call it?? ) But the retreat master said that we were supposed to wait for the others!? Great... Mga dakilang batugan pa naman yung mga kulang! So while they wait for their food I accompanied Ms. Gel to get some well.. gel! Hahaha! Pag balik ko para nga kami mga patay gutom eh, lalo na si Mai! Hehehe... After breakfast, Saab, Misu, Noella, Anjo and I played " Killer Killer ". Aliw nga yung game eh, instead of Killer, Doctor, Judge, etc.. ginawa nilang mga names nga mga taong taga school! ( I won't tell who... or whether they're students or not... Hehehe... ;D ) Noella was having a hard time to blink while Anjo kept on making " pacutie " when blinking! Hahaha... We went to the playground afterwards. Misu and Saab introduced me to that " big wheel swing thingy ". Sobrang nakakahilo! As in! I almost fell pa nga eh, kahit na mukhang boring yung itsura niya! Hehehe... Ü After acting like little children it was time for the next activity which was the "describe myself with an object thingy ". We were supposed to get and item that represents ourselves and then explain it to the batch one by one. While I was looking for something to represent myself, I saw Ivan sitting alone in one of the huts. He was depressed, and eager to uhm… spump. I confronted him once more, to get him back to his feet. Tapos si Gio naman pasaway nanaman as always. Hehehe…. Ü Now comes the explaining thing… The item that I chose were orange flowers, showing their development in growth. I explained that

“ For us to grow into ‘ beautiful beings ’ we should endure all the crap the world has to offer. That before a happy ending comes a disastrous climax. That you got to be hurt to be strong. ”

That sorta stuff… Pero grabe yung explanation ni Akira and Lucky sa items nila! It was so simple but it made all of us cry, especially me… syempre nakakarelate kasi… tsk tsk... Hahaha… Mirenda came, I fell asleep at the place mat… kaya yan may blood clot! Tss… of all the things in the world… Hahaha… That’s what I get when I abuse the use of bleaching creams…. Haaay… The next activity was the “ explain something in a bible verse thingy ”. We have to explain a part from a bible verse ( I forgot the verse, its nice but I don’t remember anymore… Sorry! ). So anyway, I was the last one who explained and it went like this…

Love is not Rude… Kasi there are many types of love, yung “ true ” love, puppy love, lustful love, untrue love, etc.. SOME people fake it, making others BELIEVE that its really love. SOME pretends it is true love, just for the sake of the person they like. SOME abuses the power of love. Some uses it to THEIR advantage. Some uses it to soothe their pleasures. And even SOME uses it only when they’re WASTED! But the next day he’ll snobbishly pass by you not saying a word, as if he didn’t mean all the sweet things he said the night before, which made you a complete JACKASS for falling in love with someone that only talks to you when he’s WASTED or TIPSY but when he’s back to his normal pathetic playboy self he’ll push you away, avoid you and pretend that he despise you and still he falls for someone who doesn’t like him at all! Arghhh! Screw you A-hole!!!!!!  

So there... nice explanation noh? I hope he knows who he is... 

So after that we had lunch. I made a few palanca letters before I ate. When Mitch and I entered the dining area, Ava called us to sit with them ( I appreciated her for doing that… ). Bonding nga kami ni Mai, Nikho and Ava sa table. Grabe! The food was…

WOAH………

Sarap grabe! All my fave foods were there! There was “ Sinigang na baboy ”, the small crunchy shrimps, “ Sweet Saba ”, “ Bangus ”, basta ang dami! Ang dami ko ding nakain! SOBRA! I’m just glad neither of my “ significant others ” were there, kaka-turn off! Wahahaha…. Ü After indulging myself with food, our retreat master called us all upon our next activity. We were to draw our ambitions and dreams on a manila paper, and that activity was per “ Barkada ”. Our barkada ( girls ) went up the tree house and crumpled there, waiting for the others. Bad trip nga kasi kaming mga babae lang nandon, wala yung mga lalaki. Tss… Ignorant fools... Tss… But after about 10 minutes of  “Kodak Moments” some of them went up. You know why?…

 “ O ayan pala eh, may mag dradrawing na para satin! ”

“ Ayun oh, Ice alam mo na gagawin... "

 “ Mitch pa-drawing naman oh. ”

 “ O ano gawa gawa na aba! ”

Aba pucha ano toh forced labor?! Tss… I really appreciated them for asking help regarding sa activity ( Kasi it shows that they are aware and in favor of my drawing skills… aww…Ü ) but they did it impolitely! Buti pa sila Mai, may PLEASE and THANKYOU! Manners… please?! So anyway, I went back to our room and as always, continued making palanca letters. Then, after realizing that my fingers were all red and weary I crashed down to Nikho’s room. Bonding nga kami nila Ms. Gel eh, hahahah… We talked about our uber fave subject… “ The egoistic life of boys… Sure they’re cute but they’re such a pain in the ass ”. Today was the day wherein Ate Atid and Kuya Paolo will speak to our batch. Thanks to them I was able to go to our retreat, whoo… thank God! ( Long story… too freakin’ irritating to discuss… ). So they came, students listened, my parents were there, my siblings were playing in the playground, and there I was stuck in the bathroom ( Hey, they wouldn’t call me “ Banyo Queen ” for nothing! And I’m proud of it… Ü ). I stayed in my room until Mitch came in, asking me what’s the problem. So there we had our “ confidential talk ” and skipped snacks. I made palanca letters again with Mitch and Jessica eating and Mel, who was just sitting. Mary was walking around video taping us, hahahaha… All of them left for some reason then suddenly Misu came panting and said “Danice halika dito dali!”. I thought something bad or extraordiray happened… yun pala… naglalaro lang sila… hahahah! Ü I joined Saab, Misu, Noella, Anne, Mimi and Cara battle it out against Arn arn and her crew. The game? It’s a sing-along contest! Hahahah… paramihan ng kaalaman sa mga Christmas, novelty, and boyband songs! Aliw nga eh, we won…. Hahahah… syempre… cute! Hehehehe… Ü I took a bath and ate dinner, as always sarap nanaman ng food! Hehehe… Then all of us were cramming at making palancas ( Kelangan na kasi for the next activity ). All of us were a bit nervous at the next activity, which was…

The chair


Nothing...


This is a favorite post.March 14, 2005
Rikishi style...
Posted at 03:57 AM

Woah… Hehehe.. Anyway, Ava and I went to school late cause we went to David’s first. Tama ba naman bay un pa-ganda muna bago pasok? Haha… Anyway, Nikhola, Misu and the ones who were late yesterday were cleaning up the canteen, buti nalang talaga hindi ako absent! Haha.. We had a “fiesta” at school today, there was macaroni, lasagna, pancit and coke! Yeah… coke… Mmmm… So we ate our butts off since almost all of us hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch or even dinner. Tapos sound trip naman right after. We went to Goldilocks, then Red Ribbon  Pero palusot lang yung Red Ribbon para makasilay sa Iconics noh Keps? Hahahaha… :D After buying all the food we want we all crashed at Mcdo. Ang dami nga naming eh, Oceans 12 daw sabi ni Gio. Nice one Gio… Ü Why Oceans 12 you ask? Kasi 12 daw kami, specifically speaking Me, Ava, Mai, Mary, Yang, Mel, Mitch, Pau, Nikho, Lui, Jesse and Roy. Hehehe… Ava, Mary and I stayed at Gasti while the others just passed by. Allan, Ivan, Lucky, Kit and Redge were there playing billiards. After Mary defeated Lucky ( Ahh.. The wonders of women beating men… Ü ) she bid farewell. We played “Spin-the-bottle”, and it was… pasaway! Just like before, no wait… may pasaway yung dati, of course… ;) Allan danced “Jumbo hotdog”, he was soo funny cause he looked stupid while dancing. Hehe.. Ü Redge did Anjo’s OJT, while singing “Sasakyan kita” and Ava pretended that she was playing billiards in front of Jv. Ivan did the “Rikishi Move” with the bottle and Lucky had lots of bloopers, again. He said “RA-kishi” instead of “RI-kishi” and the he said “You DON’T see me” instead of “You CAN’T see me”! Nakakatawa nga kasi tawa-tawa siya about sa Rikishi thingy pero hindi naman niya alam kung ano yun! It was pretty obvious that he’s not into wrestling. While I was reading “Carrie”, the bottle pointed at me. Kit whispered something to Allan, which was supposed to be my dare. But Allan did the dare for me, Kit told him to only whisper the dare, not do it. Weird… Hahaha… Ü So there there, we played and did pasaway stuff while watching T.V from a distance. Asaran nga sila ng asaran pero they didn't know na alam ko kung sino yung mga hinihiritan nila e! So anyway, we went home at 9 and nung pag-uwi ko, tumawag siya... WHAT?! It was really surprising, but a bit flattering actually. Its been a long time wince whe haven't talked to each other so it was nice... I called Gio and Ivan on the phone just to know the correct order of the Hannibal Trilogy.


The Used's Take it away


March 16, 2005
Farewell tabulas...
Posted at 07:53 AM

Hmm... i dunno why but im leaving tabulas.... no not for good. Well... bahala na actually... and no im not deleting this blog either. Its just tabulas is so confusing... with only limited templates... hahaha... Plus with its freakin upgrades that actually sucked... sorry tabulas but that's my point of view... but still... uhm... i'll be back hopefully. My new blog is still in blue print. Saab is helping me with my personal template... hehehe... if any of you guys out there is good at making templates, id love to chat with you about it! But i won't forget this site... heheheheh... mostly its because of the memories stored in it ( drama e noh? ) and to all the people o met along the way... :) Thank you all! Especially to Jakyu, who helped me in making this template! And Ailah, for the mp3 thingy. So to all my friends out there, please visit my new blog. okay? Take care now! Hehehe... by the way... my new site is...

http://www.thetalkingsheepgoat.blogspot.com

S h e e p :)


Chevelle's Point 1


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